it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
