im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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