we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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