someone threw a dead crab at me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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