either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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