you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
