I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
