theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
