I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
