We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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