Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
