This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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