used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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