oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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