I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
