If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
