we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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