I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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