She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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