remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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