apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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