I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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