Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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