We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
