You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
