My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
