I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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