so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
