I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i out mim tonsoeep
Dear god my vagina.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
