i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
