Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
