so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
