I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
