i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
