we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
me + whiskey = a bad person
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
