so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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