everyone is single if you try hard enough
well you can't waste a boner
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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