My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When did angry sex become our thing?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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