careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
