that's an acceptable place to lick
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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