I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
