whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
