he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
