I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
