it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
