what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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