Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
