so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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