Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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