She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
