I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
