dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
