I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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