I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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