I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
