I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
