No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
