i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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