i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it's like iHOP with fire
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
