Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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