I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize