And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My vagina is officially offended.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
