he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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