You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
