Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
