I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
