i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
