after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
