I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
