At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
