I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I met the friendliest cop last night
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
