i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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