Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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