All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
