the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
